I cannot believe.......
That for I bet all of my life I have had something wrong with me and didn't know it. You see, I grew up in better times. You know where you actually got to go outside and roam the neighborhood until dark. Your parents did not have to worry. We went out and played int he creeks, played hide n seek with friends, rode bikes, jumped on trampoline, skated around the basement floors and up and down the road. Went to playgrounds. PLAYED SPORTS. Let me say that again, PLAYED SPORTS. And yes team sports, but let me save that one for another blog. So that is why I, we as in my parents, didn't know that there was possibly and issue.
So I was never great at school. Never failed but never excelled either. I was just there. Was never able to retain much of what I read and had to write everything down. Still do. I even have to be shown multiple times how to do things. And then I get so frustrated and my anxiety sets off the person helping me. It can be a very viscous cycle. And then here come social media. Good Lord above why? That is like the worst thing for people like me. However, I did not know at the time that there was a reason for my madness.
I always wondered why I could never complete a task. Or why I cared so much. Or why I thought I needed to please everyone around me. Or why I had anger issues. Or why I am so impulsive. Bored. Depressed. Always moving. Never doing anything productive. Pure and udder chaos up in this skull of mine. I have such great intentions and desires and then.........crickets. Goodness my head hurts now. How in the world has Mike and I been together this long is beyond me. Guess he just knows how to deal with crazy.
None of this is fun. And it certainly is not easy. Most of the time I cannot stand to be around myself, so that is why I am usually on my own. I just operate better that way.
So a few years ago, my hair was falling out pretty darn bad. And I do not do Doctors. But something had to give. I was miserable. And I am sure depressed, but guess who is a bull headed red head. MEEEEE I went to have her check my thyroid and of coarse she said it was fine. But wanted me to try something for anxiety. GRRRRRR no lady, I do not want to take any freaking medicine. It is a sign of weakness and chick, I AM NOT WEAK. Guess who came on with anxiety meds and has been on them for 2 years now and isn't looking back. Demons fighting demons. Let me just say, and I have whiteness, of the work I put into myself to fix myself. All the self help, losing weight, running, talks, herbs, vitamins, nothing helped for years. I caved. Welp guess what. I went back to the Dr. The meds just were not helping anymore. I felt so lost. Again. Research started again. Reading blog after blog, symptom after symptom. Doc, I need your help again. I think I have ADD and that is what causes all my anxiety. So some test were ran and she verified. Adult ADD. Like WTF man, I am not that messed up in the head. But it's actually so much more common than we think or even want to admit. Which to all of this, it's sad. Our society has changed us. Our food has changed us. This should not be this common.
But let me tell you, that medicine has changed my life. I have now pursued so many of my dreams. Ones that I thought were not ever possible because I wasn't smart enough. Totally not true. I just need to work harder and ask for some extra help. And that is ok. I am now a Certified Personal Trainer, a Certified Equine Massage Therapist, and my Photography has exceeded my expectations of what I even thought I could do. And I passed with the highest grades I have ever gotten in my life. Like what. Dude, I am 43 and just not starting to kill this thing called life. Thanks ADD and thanks to Medication.
Now don not get me wrong. I would love to go off the medication and do this naturally. I am just not there yet. I have spent so much of my life not loving it and I am not ready to give this up. But steps are being taken to keep my health first.
Now, why do I tell you all of this? I want you to know a few things; first and foremost, just because you see me all over the place does not mean that I am not learning all that I can to be the best that I can. Just because I have these passions in these three things, does not make me any less in any of the three things that I do the most. I study hard. I watch and observe. I will be the best that I can be, that is a promise. Second, I do not want y'all to give up. If you are multi passionate like me (ADD) there is a way. There is a way to do the things and show people you are not just someone that does't have their shit together.
This is another reason I am switching gears a little bit on this blog. I feel like I can help people through my struggles and through pretty pictures and throughout the horses energy and through our health. I am not a one niche person, I explained that in my last blog and I am tired of people telling us that is what we have to do.
People please, yea I do not think so.
if this blog helps you then I have fulfilled my purpose, if it doesn't then well I tried and thank you for reading anyways. Maybe you can help someone by sharing some of these post.
Let's help each other.
